When I stopped searching and started living
I have just reached my 57th Birthday and feel very grown up and pleased with myself that I have finally come home.
Clearly, in lockdown, I have been nowhere. I mean metaphorically, home is where the heart is. I appear to have been away for some time, as my head has been running the show.
You see, I feel that I am no means alone when I say, that we have been conditioned to expect so much of what the world has to offer us- on the outside.
Lockdown has truly shifted our perspective.
Enforced Isolation has asked us to look within and question our consumerism, to question everything we do and are. So many possibilities are open to us, in this new world. But it has to start with self.
I am not the new kid on the block. I have been around and learn't a thing or two.
Whilst the main part of my work as Health Coach & Nurse is important, it no longer feeds my soul. For the past five years I've toyed with my own work, spent a fortune on personal development, marketing and how not to do things. I've searched high and low, bought shiny new things, been distracted by all the calls of 'Hey come buy my thing, it will bring you clients and wealth you crave'.
Having prided myself on playing detective, I came back to myself, healed but detached, bitter and resentful. Why could everybody else do it, but not me. What was wrong with me?
Whilst I never gave up, I just re-invented, my resilience was awesome, even if I say so myself. How my physical health was not affected, I will never know but I'm certainly grateful for that.
My mental health however, took a battering. I gave up alcohol for four months to protect myself as I knew it had become my crutch. I never had a problem with alcohol, I was just aware that it was masking the parts of me, that I wasn't ready to show and it had to go.
When I asked myself 'what do you really want', my response felt lame- Clients and Money.
The truth was, I would have neither whilst I was so scattered, sad and desperate. I couldn't even trust myself. So full of lack, that I searched for answers that I hadn't even asked the questions to.
My return to me started when I learn't to get quiet. The judgement and comparison-itis remained as I realised they were FEAR, there to keep me small, tethered and needy.
I also knew that these things, I feared, would become lessons that I would learn to acknowledge but never banish.
One of the most powerful and impactful challenges was learning that I am a Projector in Human Design. It literally took a good two weeks for this to sink in but the Authority & Strategy has literally, changed my life.
I am here as a Guide. People find me along their path and invite me to then help navigate them back to themselves. To connect with others and to realise potential.
Like me, people have gotten all 'topsy turvy'. Its not 'more more more' of what's outside of you. You have it all already you've just layered it over and hidden it, with 'do do do'. Fear has stopped you feeling love. Love for Self, with a capital S.
The type of love that is about knowing, without judgement. That leads you by the hand with courage, even in uncertainty, trusting the ease and flow.
This is what my work Share with Soul is all about. I'm looking forward to introducing you to the concepts of this beautiful space, within, and how, like me, it may lead you back to your true self so that you to can stop searching, and start living.
Please make sure you stay updated on my journey by connecting here. None of us are separate, we are all on this passage together.